More Stretch Face! Here’s “Stretch Face Dips His Bread In The Sea”.Īnd this is my truest, proudest work: “Stretch Face Blesses The Earth With Vom”.īut these do not sell. "To romance someone, you need to put in some effort," says one visitor while peering at a hilltop scene. Although, it’s clear this is deliberate, a means of replicating the kind of frustration an artist must feel when they paint something they think people will like only to be given vague reasons why it’s not their cup of chocolat chaud. I don’t know what that means, the game doesn’t really communicate what types of paintings people will like in a straightforward way. In the next level – a trendy outside gallery made of bricks – I am rewarded with a pen tool, which I completely ignore. Not even "Lesser Toothed Pig Beast", of which my fondness had grown, despite it being the most despicably unpopular piece of work I’ve ever done. I have to progress to the next act now, and I won’t be bringing any of my current works. Now I am famous for a painting I parped out in a couple of minutes, featuring a giant spider trying to fit into a rowboat during a rainstorm, and not for the great Stretch logos who comes to sustain the world with blood from his nasal cavity. What? No! That’s not the painting you should look at! That’s – Just as I finished this masterwork, the critic arrived. Behold, “Stretch Face Nosebleeds On The World”. A critic was coming to the stall, and since you can only progress by pleasing these quiet art reviewers, I needed to put all the effort into this one. But it was time to do the Stretch Man in a new style, with fresh eyes. I sold that piece of poop for 373 euros to some damn fool with a stripey t-shirt. Here’s Stretch Man beneath a catchy slogan. Here’s “Stretch Man’s Gums Begin To Rot”. Stretch Man (who would later become Stretch Face) was born.Īs you can see, he suffered a nose bleed in his debut. An image comes to me, as through a rift in the dimensions, of a large yellow face, stretched beyond all repair, too ugly to elicit sympathy or joy, yet entrancing in its own repellent, horrific way. In a fit of listlessness after overusing the spray tool, I fart out a few rapid brushstrokes. It is called “If Camels Had Two Legs And Nice Shoes”. Ocean vistas, sunrises, hillsides at night, meadows with flowers in them that look like fried eggs but are definitely daisies. That’s about three weeks worth of bills! The spray tool is my new best friend. A punk called Maggie summed up her feelings about the porky painting thusly:īut I did sell enough of my other paintings to unlock a new method of colour-spattering – a spray tool! I make immediate use of this to create a stormy ocean scene, which I place on sale and dub “Poverty Beckons”. "Lesser Toothed Pig Beast" would remain where it stood for the rest of my time in the garage. I was happy with it, but that happiness did not extend to the general public in the slightest. This next painting, "Lesser Toothed Pig Beast", took me a little longer. There’s no shame in remembering your first painting. But I can see, even here, the direction such work would take me. My craft would eventually evolve beyond such garishness. I got started straight away and painted this monster. Later you can unlock new painting tools, but for now it’s just you, a bunch of colours and an adjustable brush size. These people must buy your masterpieces, otherwise your money slowly dwindles away on bills (baguettes, wine and rent). You start out as a loser in a garage, with a few spaces to hang paintings and some folks milling around inspecting your stuff. I tried to become famous in my own lifetime by painting a variety of wholesome scenes, including a series in which a recurring motif known as the Stretch Man dispenses various vital fluids on the people of the earth. Imagine if making bad pictures in MS Paint was a profession and you got paid hundreds of dollars for each poorly sketched sailboat you drew. But you can only do this with the most rudimentary artist's tools. Passpartout: The Struggling Artist is a painting sim in which you must splatter some canvases in the most talented way you can and hope that the discerning public will take notice of your genius.
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